Today we wil have 11 days left till we head out. In just 9 days it will be Christiana's 5th birthday. We will be missing it by only days. Once we arrive I have a suitcase full of toys and hats I made each of them. Not a very good at knitting or crocheting as I wish I could be but I try. I try and make somthing special for each of my children whether it is a blanket, sweater or hat I keep my fingers busy.
The other dat at a visit to Shiners with Makayla and Patrick I visited the Spinal Bifia Clinic this is where Christiana will go for her treatments. I received sevral books and have been studying and trying to learn I all can before travel so I can work with her. Once I return I will know more in detail of both children's medical needs and will try to be somewhat prepared. This will be learn as we go as we have with the other children's medical issues. We were ask why we were adopting special needs children again. Was if that our plates were not full enough or did we seek a challenge. Life daily is a challenge in itself. Living is a challenge with just meeting other people and life's daily tasks. Whether we chose to not work hard and appreciate it is one's choice but not our family. Much hard work has gone into our children, our adoptions. Adoption is not an easy decision to make. There is alot to be said. In this needs to be in another post itself. I am saying it is alot of work, but it is alot of patience and understanding the appreciation of one's own health and the appreciate of bein able to parent whether to a healthy or a child with a special need.
Each day as I have counted down to see the girls, has reminded me of when I was to give birth. Anxiety, worry, maybe being slightly afraid of what to expect or what may lay ahead in the months ahead. Will I be able to say good bye to our girls and each day count again till we are reunited and still be sane? Departure I know will be hard, I pray I am strong for I know I will miss them. During this next trial of separation we will prepare to have everything in order for their arrival and raise the necessary funds in bringing them home. I have been so stressed with worry on having the funds. In prayer I ask God to please guide me in the direction to obtain what we need to bring our daughters home. I know legally at this point they are not our children, but in Gary and my heart we have bonded as parents for them.
Once my eyes meet with the eyes of our girls I pray I do not cry or be nervous. In this wait of sevral months, almost a year I just do not know...
In leaving my other children at home till I come back I pray they stay healthy and do well. For I will keep them in my heart and the mothering of worrying about them will kick in.. They are all older but never to old to worry about. As with my son Micheal in he Phillipines my heart aches for him some nights, but he is growth and I msut step back as a mother and let him grow, He is now a man and he has made me proud of him this ;last year.
All my posts seem to be late at nigtht, my time to unwind and my time is night time, the time to think. And again prepare my brain and body for the next day. In 16 days it would have been my mother's birthday. She would be 74 years old this year and has been in he arms of our Lord for 12 years. Not a day goes by without me thinking of her. She was born on Halloween and this was her most favorite time of the year. Our home alway's filled with pumpkins and the smell of fall filled the air. In our home now I burn pumkin scented candles to remind me of all the happy times we shred. Now me being the older mom and my older chidlren are parents I am also grandmother to 12 grandchildren. You my ask whywe are adopting since our family is already so large. As I close my eyes I can vision and fell inside our family is not yet complete. These two little girls are our babies we need to bring home. They need us as Poppa and Momma. Nor are we rich, nor poor btu we can provide care, love and a home. Each night they will go to sleep and know hat when they wake they are loved. Never will they have to worry about when they are sick or alone will soemone be there for them. These days are over for them. I pray I live a long love so I may mother them till they are grown enought to care for theirselves..
Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
