Fluttering in my heart

Just a day or two away and we will be able to share our little one/ones.  Not ot be secret or anything just we are not permitted to do so because of lack of confidental information.  But for right now I am able to express to everyone how my heart feels at this one moment.

Today I spent much of the time working with Chrissie.  As we prepare her for school and the opportunityto be able to be with other children and develop new friends.  She will be able to grow up
like other children now and be able to be a typical kindergarter and color pictures and learn to read and write her name.  Hard to beleive just one year ago she sat in an orphanage waiting for a mother and father to love her.  Today as I dressed her she told me how she loved having a Daddy.  She told me not all her friend's had a daddy or mommy.  But she knew.. Chrissie knew there were mommas and poppas.
She saw other children's birth parents visit their children and leave for the day and return.  Chrissie never got to go outside much due to her Spinal Bifida.  She had very little control of her legs and she was weak and tired easily.  She did not have leg braces for support, a walker nor a wheelchair.  So Chrissie sat day after day while watching the other children play outside in the sun and nice weather.
So being disable is not pleasant and also being an orphan makes days even worse.  The first couple of months once home were filled with medical appointment after medical appointment. Not once did Chrissie complaint she just felt good to be able to go somewhere, anywhere doctor or having a very painful test ran.  She was just happy to be able to go outside.  I recall onbe day as I left the orphanage as she looked out a window waiving goodbye.  I thought in my head would I ever be able to see her again.  And the wait in between the first trip October 26th till May 4th when we picked Chrissie up seem forever.   Not a day went by that I did not think about my little one and when she would come home.  And at this moment I am thinking the exact same thing knowing there will be alot of waiting
and days filled with anxiety and emotions.  Am I prepared? Probably not.  Honestly I do not know of anyone person adopting who has not felt as I have.  There are some days there are the days I have prepared and kept busy btu there were the days I wondered just what our child was doing.  Was she okay and would she adjust once she came home okay.  These worries I had to place in our Lord.  I am not able to quote verses from the bible.  All my thoughts come from my heart and I write what I feel.  You can not changes ones feelings of worry or being anxious.  Much like preparing for a birth of ones own child.  Each there may be a flutter of movement and being able to touch one's stomach knowing God is preparing your child's arrival.  But through adoption the flutter is that of the heart and the trust in our Lord on whether the adoption is meant to be. 
In the next few days we will wait and see what will follow.  But also knowing in heart and faith our Lord has plans for us and our family.  He will know whether or not we are ready and that this is our child/children.  Oh I wish I could say child or children.  For at this moment I can not say it is one child or two children.  This is harder to keep a secret when so much happiness is instore ahead.  But we must wait to get permission to make our big announcement to everyone.  We have not been even able to share this with our own children yet.  And I can tell you they are as excited as we are. :O))
As I end my post today I ask God to continue to guide us and help us through our adoption journey. May there not be a day I do not give thanks back to him for his love and the love he has given us.