Posting has become harder and harder it seems this last two months. My father had a major sezuires and then heart problems on Thanksgiving Day and now my step dad blood sugar rose to
1560. This is not an error yes
1560. He arrived in a diabetic coma to the hospital with no pulse immeditately he was placed on a sulin drip. Through out Christmas night to the following day it slowly little by little dropped. Still at 235 he remains in the hospital yes a miracle he is alive. I still have not recovered from almost losing my father and now my stepfather. The following day I had received an email from a friend on a young boy Ben Breedlove age 18 years. As I weep when I watched his video. Ben struggled with heart problems his entire life much like many of these children who are waiting to be adopted. Watching him as he held up postcard after postcard and yet he smiled. He knew his time was limited on our earth. On Christmas day he died from his heart problems but lefted a deeep message inside for everyone and I also think me.
This last couple of weeks I felt useless. I am not a fundraiser yet I challenge once again to raise funds for Braska and Zach's adoption. Knowing we had little funds available to adopt I knew inside we could raise the needed and save what we could.. Also knowing that these children needed a home and I could not let them down. CF is a hard condition for children to have and many of them die at early years in life. People ask me why i have placed myself once again with another special needs child knowing that that they may die. I honestly can not see these children struggling alone with CF and without parents. My husband Tim died in 1992 and suffered greatly for two years in pain. Each day he would thank me for being there for him. How could I not be there for I loved him dearly and he was my love. People die everyday alone and many of them children. Imagine being ill and noone there to hold you and comfort you. I just could not and will with all my might help in whatever way I can to make these children comfortable. With treatment and therapy both of them will be able to breath a little easier and be in less pain. Also knowing they will have a father and mother to hold them as they hurt they will never be alone. I know I can not save the world for I am told I can not do it. But you know I can try and not what I can and if I do not suceed I will die trying.
I look at our account on Reeces Rainbow daily and it remains at $75.00. I post daily on FB and twitter for help but it seems everyone else is like me trying to survive daily. During the holidays I watch others with buggies full of things as I know this year we are limited to just an item or so for each child. This Christmas like the ones prior we are saving for our adoption. Through out the year I buy little by little things on sell for the children so when holidays arrive I have gifts but the biggest gift is knowing that a child will have a home and a family. People sometime take family for granted and figure there is alway's tommorrow. As I wondered during the holidays what Braska and Zach were doing. For a two and three year old life is simple but for an orphan it is just another day of being alone. My father spoke to me last night what it was like when he was a child. He was also an orphan and alone. He never spoke to us children about his life until the last few years. His life was hard and also it was not what I would have wished for him. As he spoke I thought of Braska and Zach and also the cold weather they are enduring. With cold weather brings colds and breathing issues. Both of them being underweight and malnutrious staying well will be hard. Medical care is very limited and costly and unfornuately sometimes the smaller children do not survive the winter months. When we first met Patrick in 2002 he was only a little over 8 pounds at age 2 years. Mostly skin and bones his skin thin and pale. Never have I seen a child in such poor shape yet he was only one of many. This is in alot of countries where children give up and stop fighting to live. Why fight when there is nothing to fight for? I pray each day for a miracle and sponsors. Yes our family needs help in bringing these children home for adoption is costly. We have great medical insurance once they are here but that does not help them where they are. I have faith and God will guide me in the direction of just what to do. As I budget and budget I am one step closer much like our paperwork preparation one piece or day at a time we will get things completed. I decided this time not to cry and worry for I ask God for help during this time. Each day I decided to say to myself I believe, I believe....
